3 Steps To A Happier Marriage

Step One: Wives be gentle

Wives can win over their husbands without words of contempt. Your beauty

comes from within, acquire a gentle and quiet spirit. (1^st Peter 1-5)

Peter delivers this powerful formula for wives whose husbands aren't following the ways of the Lord. In addition to non-believing husbands, I would say this formula works with a believing husband who does things that irritate you. 

Why did God speak through Peter specifically to wives? Why did he focus on their 'words and

gentleness'? I think it's because he knew exactly how he created us. A wife's tendency may be the opposite of God's instruction, to be aggressive with words of contempt and

anger, criticism and nagging. God also knows what motivates men, the opposite of aggressive and contemptuous words. 

What are some examples of such things? "Jim, you are ALWAYS forgetting to pick up after yourself."

"You NEVER spend enough time with our children." 

Maybe you angrily attack your husband with words and don't even know you are doing it? Some men say their wives nag them to death or complain all the time. 

I want to be very clear, I am not asking you to be silent and let your husband do what he wants when he wants and how he wants. On the contrary. What I am saying is when you confront him, be smart about it. 

Do it in a way that actually motivates him to change. If you take him down history lane with anger and malice, he will rebel each time. He will shut down and try to 'get away' from you. Instead of using accusatory methods, try this. 

"Honey, it sure would mean a lot to me if you would pick up your socks in the bedroom." "Babe, I would love it if you could help with dishes tonight." "Dave, I really miss spending quality time with you, can you carve out some time tomorrow night and go on a date with me?" Wow, instead of yelling at him for ignoring her and prioritizing work over family, she came at him with a gentle spirit. He hugged her and said "Absolutely, I miss you too. Let's go on a nice date night."

It's all about the packaging and the delivery. Your husband isn't purposely hurting you; he may not even know he's hurting you at all. Rather than going dark, negative, critical or historical, be nice and gentle with encouragement. 

Pam has REALLY done well with this. Every time she comes to me with this attitude, I WANT to comply. It motivates me. I can't describe how respected I feel when she holds back a critical spirit and offers me her gentleness. It makes me want to serve, love and hold her. 

I am so thankful that she has taken this to heart. God really knows what my heart needs (and most men). When she speaks to me in the way God instructed, it produces amazing results. 

Thank you, Pam, for being the best wife I could have ever wanted. Thank you for allowing God to direct your ways. It's so beautiful to see.

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