(A 5-Part Series)
Part 1

As a child, I often witnessed my father grapple with deep emotional wounds caused by those closest to him. Whether from family members or even our pastor, his response followed a consistent pattern. As I grew older, I realized that my father turned to the Bible for wisdom on how to handle these hurts, sharing five key scriptures with us, his children. These teachings guided him through life’s challenges, and he believed they would be powerful tools for us as well.

Before diving into these five insights, it's important to acknowledge that sometimes, distancing yourself from a harmful or abusive person is necessary. These principles are not about staying in unhealthy situations, but about managing your heart amid hurt, even when stepping away is the safest choice.

Here is the First Secret to Overcoming Deep Wounds—while they may seem counterintuitive at first, their wisdom runs deep.

Secret Number One

1. Why Not Rather Be Wronged?
1 Corinthians 6:7
"To have lawsuits at all with one another is already a defeat for you. Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded?"

Embracing the idea of being wronged can be life-changing. This verse invites a mindset that doesn’t seek revenge or insist on always being right. It’s about humility, about being able to say, “It’s okay if I’m wronged.” Accepting this truth doesn’t make you weak—it makes you wise. By doing so, you disarm conflict and avoid bitterness. You don’t need to retaliate, as God is your strength and avenger. Taking this approach helps you rise above most conflicts, creating space for God to work on your behalf.

Application:
When facing conflict, pause and remind yourself: It's okay to be wronged. This simple act can reduce emotional intensity and provide clarity.

Further Growth:
Take an online marriage class!
Sign up for our course, "How to Fix/Love Your Spouse".
You can’t fix them, but you can find ways to motivate positive change, even when they’ve hurt you.

CLICK HERE to see more about our online marriage class. 

Five Secrets to Overcoming Deep Wounds
(A 5-Part Series)

Part 2

In Part 1, we explored the importance of accepting that we will be wronged at times—a key secret to living a healthy, peaceful life. In this segment, we turn our focus to the topic of revenge.

Secret Number Two:

Leave Room for God to Avenge
(Romans 12:19)
"Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine, I will repay,' says the Lord."

When we’re hurt, seeking revenge feels like the natural response. However, Romans reminds us to entrust that burden to God. Though God’s timing may not match our own, seeking revenge only poisons the heart. Trusting in God’s perfect justice, however, brings true peace. Whether you’re tempted to retaliate with silence, harsh words, or gossip, remember that God sees your pain, and He will bring justice in His time.

Application:
When someone hurts you, resist the urge for revenge—be it through coldness or confrontation. Leave room for God to handle it His way.

Further Growth:
Enroll in our online marriage class, "How to Fix/Love Your Spouse."
Though you can’t fix them, you can discover ways to inspire change, even when they’ve hurt you.

CLICK HERE to see more about our online marriage class. 
 

Five Secrets to Overcoming Deep Wounds
(A 5-Part Series)

Part 3

In Part 1, we discussed the importance of accepting that being wronged is part of life. In Part 2, we tackled the challenge of revenge. Now, in Part 3, we dive into a difficult teaching: showing kindness to your enemy by giving them food and drink.

Secret Number Three:

Give Food and Drink to Your Enemy
(Proverbs 25:21-22)
"If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat, and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink, for you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you."

This principle is one of the hardest to follow. Why should you show kindness to someone who has hurt you? Yet, scripture calls us to bless our enemies. My father embodied this when he cared for his abusive father, performing acts of service like mowing his lawn and paying his bills—even after learning of the harm his father had caused. Despite his father’s ingratitude, he continued to show kindness.

Application:
You don’t have to literally feed or clothe your enemy, but you can show kindness in other ways—through prayer, acts of forgiveness, or even refraining from harboring bitterness.

Further Growth:
Enroll in our online marriage class, "How to Fix/Love Your Spouse."
Though you can’t fix them, you can discover ways to inspire positive change, even in the face of wounds.

CLICK HERE to see more about our online marriage class. 

Five Secrets to Overcoming Deep Wounds
(A 5-Part Series)

Part 4

In Part 1, we explored the importance of accepting being wronged as part of life. Part 2 addressed the challenge of revenge, and Part 3 discussed the difficult task of showing kindness to an enemy. Now, in Part 4, we tackle the transformative power of forgiving, comforting, and reaffirming love to those who have hurt you.

Secret Number Four: 

Comfort, Forgive, and Reaffirm Your Love
(2 Corinthians 2:5-11)
"Now if anyone has caused pain, he has caused it not to me, but in some measure—not to put it too severely—to all of you. For such a one, this punishment by the majority is enough, so you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. So I beg you to reaffirm your love for him. For this is why I wrote, that I might test you and know whether you are obedient in everything. Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. Indeed, what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for the sake in the presence of Christ, so that we would not be outwitted by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his designs."

When someone hurts us, the instinct is to distance ourselves, not to comfort or forgive. Yet this passage urges us to forgive and show compassion to prevent bitterness from taking root. My father practiced this principle by taking those who wronged him out to dinner—not to confront them, but simply to show kindness. While this gesture may not fix the relationship, it begins to heal your heart.

Application: 
After allowing time to heal, consider extending kindness to someone who has hurt you. It could be a simple gesture like sharing a meal or offering a word of encouragement.

Further Growth: 
Enroll in our online marriage class, "How to Fix/Love Your Spouse."
While you can’t change them, you can learn ways to inspire growth and healing, even when they’ve wounded you.

Sign up for our online marriage class titled "How to Fix/Love Your Spouse". 
You can't fix them but you can find ways to motivate them to 'change', even when they wound you. 

CLICK HERE to see more about our online marriage class. 

For Churches:
If you're a pastor facing wounds and conflict within your church, I encourage you to take the next step toward resolving those issues, healing any hurts, and restoring your church to a place of health and unity.

CLICK HERE to schedule a personal Zoom meeting with Matt to discuss his consulting services for addressing church-related wounds, whether you're a staff member, leader, pastor, or part of the congregation. He also offers guidance for families dealing with their own personal wounds.

Five Secrets to Overcoming Deep Wounds
(A 5-Part Series)

Part 5

In Part 1, we explored accepting being wronged as part of life. Part 2 covered leaving revenge to God. Part 3 taught us to show kindness to our enemies, and Part 4 emphasized the importance of forgiving and comforting those who hurt us. Now, in Part 5, we come to the final secret: loving those who persecute you.

Secret Number Five

Love Those Who Persecute You
(Matthew 5:44)
"But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you."

Loving those who despise or harm you is one of the most challenging commands in Scripture. Yet, it’s a powerful way to break the cycle of hatred and invite God’s love into dark situations. True love shines brightest when we extend it to those who mistreat us. Jesus set this example on the cross, and by following His lead, we find healing for ourselves and offer light to others.

Application:
When you feel hatred or persecution, redirect your heart toward love. Pray for those who mistreat you and trust in God's healing power over your wounds.

Further Growth:
Sign up for our online marriage class, "How to Fix/Love Your Spouse."
While you can't change your spouse, you can find ways to encourage them toward growth and healing, even when they hurt you.

CLICK HERE to learn more about our online marriage class.
 

For Churches:
If you're a pastor facing wounds and conflict within your church, I encourage you to take the next step toward resolving those issues, healing any hurts, and restoring your church to a place of health and unity.

CLICK HERE to schedule a personal Zoom meeting with Matt to discuss his consulting services for addressing church-related wounds, whether you're a staff member, leader, pastor, or part of the congregation. He also offers guidance for families dealing with their own personal wounds.

Conclusion: Applying These Secrets

The five biblical secrets to overcoming deep wounds may be difficult to embrace, but they have the power to transform your heart and life. My father not only taught these truths but lived them. Whether you apply them directly or from a distance in cases of extreme harm, keep your heart grounded in God's Word.

As you begin to apply these secrets in the coming months, consider keeping a journal of your experiences. Document how God reveals Himself and how your heart changes through this journey. It may become one of the most impactful spiritual practices of your life.

Matt and Pam Loehr
Founders of Dare to be Different Marriage Ministries
Specialized in Biblical Marriage Mentoring