Every December we hear the famous song All I Want for Christmas is You way more times than we care to hear. But the truth of the matter is that all too easily we can get stuck in a cycle of busyness that creates the feeling of two separate people who just happen to live together. One of the best things about marriage is having someone to do life with. When we get married, we say “I DO” to the person we are marrying. “I DO want to do life together with you.” I DO means being present in someone’s life to share the best and worst moments together. To plan and prepare. To dream and hope. To give and take. To forgive and show grace. To encourage and comfort. To challenge and be challenged. To serve and be served. To love and be loved. Perhaps one of the best gifts you can give each other this Christmas is a recommitment to not just be present in person, but to be emotionally present with your spouse.

When someone or something is always present, it is easy for their existence to fade into the background and be taken for granted. We often don’t appreciate what we have until it is gone. Take a little time this month to rekindle your relationship by being more fully present together. Here are some ways you can do that.

• Leave your phone/computer in the other room when you are talking so you are not tempted to be distracted by it. If you have children, let them know that you need 10 minutes of uninterrupted time to spend together. Hold hands when talking. This simple act can not only keep you engaged but can also increase attention span and intimacy in conversation.
• Notice little things your spouse does and tell them about it. Say ‘thank you' for even the daily mundane tasks like doing laundry, caring for the kids, going to work every day, filling your car with gas, or opening the door for you.
• Find ways to serve that go above and beyond your specific roles. Knowing your spouse’s love language can be helpful in this area. Even the smallest task can make a huge difference in showing appreciation or taking a load off.
• When you arrive home, seek out your spouse for a hug and kiss before you do anything else. Ask them about their day. Even if you don’t have time to discuss details, asking them about their day shows that you care and are looking forward to hearing more about it later. Keep notes on your phone about little details throughout your day that you would like to share with them but may forget if you don’t write them down. This helps them feel included in parts of your life that they don’t see as much of.
• Ask them how you can be praying for them, and then make sure that you really pray for them. Pray together for each other’s needs and burdens.

Remind each other of why you said I DO by giving the gift of yourself to your spouse every day (Eph 5:25). After all, the heart of Christmas is that the best gift that was ever given was when God gave Himself for us (Jn 15:13)!

If you would like to learn more about strengthening your marriage, click here.