Last week we chatted about the enormous impact on our marriages when communication breaks down. 

This week I want to focus on one thought, "Be nice."

What if every time you were angry, tired, wounded or mistreated you made a promise to yourself that you would be nice? 

Can you be nice to your children when they disobey? Can you be nice when you talk to your neighbor even though they let their puppy out EVERY morning at 6 a.m. and it yelps loudly right outside your bedroom window? (happens to me every day) Could you be nice when your spouse is late for dinner, gets angry or treats you with disrespect? 

I'm not asking you to endorse their behavior or mistreatment. I am simply asking you to go on a quest to be a nice person. I remember a boss I once had named Randy. He wasn't perfect but he was always nice. He never raised his voice. He never complained or acted hostile. He was steady. Being nice doesn't lessen your ability to get your point across. Being nice doesn't give up power. Being nice doesn't hurt your mission, to be heard and understood. Being nice doesn't endorse misbehavior in others. It is simply a choice you make on your response to all the curve balls life seems to throw at you. 

I would argue that being nice puts you in the best position on every front. It's empowering. Imagine delivering punishment to your child that's deeply warranted however, you are super nice when you do it. Imagine telling your friend about the time they hurt you but you are super nice when you do it. Imagine delivering your wants, desires and wishes to your spouse in a super nice way rather than criticism, anger, a flaring temper accompanied by shouting or maybe you're the person who shuts down for days. 

Here are a few examples. 

"Son, I am really disappointed you lied to me. I believe in you and am your biggest fan however, I have to deliver some punishment. I am going to take away your electronics for one month. It doesn't mean I don't love you, because I really do. It just means that I need to stick to my promise that when you disobey me, there are consequences."

"Honey, I am disappointed that you didn't clean out the garage today like you said you would. I know you are busy and have tons of things going on. It would mean a lot to me if you could follow through with your commitment. Thank for listening."

"Hey babe, last night when we were talking you raised your voice at me and called me names. I know you have a lot going on and I contribute to your stress at times but that really bothered me. Please try to keep that from happening. I love you and need you in my life. Thanks for listening."

These are examples of stating your pain, sharing your expectations and even offering punishment to a child without transferring anger. Shutting down, being silent is ok for a short period but don't let it linger too long. Re-engage and be nice. 

Colossians 3:12 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.

A therapist couldn't say it better. "Be kind. "

It's powerful. 

It's biblical. 

It's effective. 

It offers many rewards. 

If you need a REFRESHING for your marriage. Sign up for my new website/course. Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and Love and Respect and I launched this new course. 

You will fill out a marriage assessment, get the results and follow our teaching videos. All done in your home at your own pace. Go to www.refreshyourmarriage.org. 

Be blessed.