Caroline had not even been married for 6 months when she realized she had made the biggest mistake of her life. How in the world had she let herself marry the wrong man? It wasn’t that he was a horrible person. He just wasn’t right for her. In fact, come to think of it, what did they even have in common? She began to think and realized that the biggest things they had in common were not good things. Both had a parent who had been married several times. They each had a brother who had been in prison. They both had baggage from a dysfunctional childhood.

Caroline had made a commitment in her heart that she wasn’t going to follow in her parent’s footsteps of divorce - that she would break the cycle. She knew that even if she felt her husband wasn’t right for her, because she had married him, God’s plan for her was to stay committed. She had made her bed. Now she must lay in it.

Regardless, she found herself contemplating divorce. She fell on her face before God begging Him to give her the grace to make her marriage work. The years passed. As Caroline allowed God to work in her life, her outlook on marriage went from “I made my bed, now I must lay in it,” to “If I’m going to be here for the long haul, I may as well have joy.” As she chose joy, she quit believing the lie that she had married the wrong person and if she had just married the right person, she would be happy. She allowed the Lord to infuse the truth into her being that when you commit your marriage to the Lord, He will redeem even the worst of situations, turn darkness into light, and you will no longer be constrained by the physical limitations of the sinful earthly nature.

When we begin marriage with the expectation that she will make you happy and affirm you, and he will meet your needs and fulfill you, you will always have days where you feel like you have married the wrong person because no matter how amazing a person is, they were never created to fulfill you. God was. And not even the perfect ‘one for you’ can take His place.

Whether you feel like your marriage is a match made in heaven or hell on earth, every marriage needs the same three things for it to be successful:

• Three-way communication. Daily time in prayer together and separately is a must. Communication is not just about talking. It is about listening. It is not about just hearing. It is about seeking to understand what is being said. This holds true when talking with your spouse and God. Don’t just listen. Hear. And don’t just hear. Do. Open and honest communication before God and each other is paramount to a successful marriage.
• A heart of humility and repentance (2 Chron 7:14). As two sinners living together under the same roof, you will annoy, hurt, and fail to edify one another. Being willing to admit that you are wrong and ask for forgiveness is something that you must become comfortable with and good at. You must be willing to acknowledge areas in your life that grieve God and your spouse. Countless times in the Bible God connects repentance to healing power.  Humble repentance is one of the most important keys to a strong marriage.
• Three good forgivers (Eph 4:32) God’s forgiveness was a pivotal life-changing moment in your life. Forgiving your spouse is also one of the most powerful things you will ever do in your life. It leads to freedom, happiness, joy, and healthy living. I have witnessed the destruction of unforgiveness and seen the devastation it leaves behind. No marriage will last without forgiveness. Holding on to the offense may taste sweet like pineapple in the moment. But just like pineapple in a tin can, the acidity of unforgiveness will attack the lining of your soul and corrupt it.

Communication, humble repentance, and forgiveness in even the best of marriages will always be flawed. Understanding this will help you have a more realistic outlook and inspire you to fight for your marriage. But in the same way that you understand that only God can truly fulfill, redeem, and restore you, you must also understand that you cannot save your marriage on your own. You need God’s strength and power. When everything feels and looks like it is falling apart, don’t allow your circumstances to rule your faith. Trust God rather than your own understanding. Make Him your first love, and trust Him to restore your second love.
 

If you would like to learn more about strengthening your marriage, click here.