For the past few years, God has been taking me deeper into the forest.
That may sound strange, but it is the best way I know to describe what has been happening in my spiritual life. I keep discovering new paths in Scripture — truths I had read before, but never fully understood. It feels as if God keeps saying, “Keep walking. There’s more.”
Some time ago, that journey led me to the idea of becoming unoffendable. That phrase challenged me deeply. Recently, another phrase stopped me in my tracks: Love like you’ve never been hurt.
I first encountered it while reading a book by Jentezen Franklin. He didn’t claim to invent the phrase, but he described how powerfully it impacted him. The moment I read it, I sensed God nudging me again: Follow this path and go deeper into the forest with Me.
So, I did.
What has surprised me most is how strongly people react to this idea — especially Christians. The suggestion that we should love others as if we have never been wounded feels offensive to many people. Some insist that bitterness is justified. Others cling tightly to unforgiveness, resentment, and emotional baggage as if those things protect them.
I see it everywhere:
That may sound strange, but it is the best way I know to describe what has been happening in my spiritual life. I keep discovering new paths in Scripture — truths I had read before, but never fully understood. It feels as if God keeps saying, “Keep walking. There’s more.”
Some time ago, that journey led me to the idea of becoming unoffendable. That phrase challenged me deeply. Recently, another phrase stopped me in my tracks: Love like you’ve never been hurt.
I first encountered it while reading a book by Jentezen Franklin. He didn’t claim to invent the phrase, but he described how powerfully it impacted him. The moment I read it, I sensed God nudging me again: Follow this path and go deeper into the forest with Me.
So, I did.
What has surprised me most is how strongly people react to this idea — especially Christians. The suggestion that we should love others as if we have never been wounded feels offensive to many people. Some insist that bitterness is justified. Others cling tightly to unforgiveness, resentment, and emotional baggage as if those things protect them.
I see it everywhere:
- Parents and children estranged for years
- Siblings divided by old offenses
- Marriages poisoned by accumulated hurt
- Churches fractured by unresolved conflict
Of all people, Christians should be the ones most equipped to deal with wounds and conflict. We are the people who claim to believe in forgiveness, grace, reconciliation, and the transforming power of the Holy Spirit.
Yet loving like we’ve never been hurt sounds audacious, naïve, dangerous, even foolish. To the unbelieving mind, it seems impossible. But God’s Word repeatedly leads us to do the opposite of what may be our typical response.
Do the Opposite
Before we go any further, step back and notice a pattern in Scripture: Jesus often asks us to do the opposite of what our flesh naturally wants to do.
Think about that word: opposite.
Our instinctive emotional response is frequently the exact opposite of what Christ commands.
Jesus said in Matthew 5:44:
“But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.”
Look at each command carefully:
- Love your enemies — opposite the response that comes naturally
- Bless those who curse you — a response that reflects Christ, not human nature
- Do good to those who hate you — choosing grace over retaliation
- Pray for those who persecute you — responding with compassion instead of resentment
- Die to yourself to truly live
- Give to receive
- Humble yourself to be exalted
- Serve to become great
- Forgive to be free
In Marriage
Marriage may be the hardest human relationship to maintain.
Why? Because your spouse sees both the best and worst parts of you. You share close quarters year after year. And sometimes people treat their spouse more poorly than anyone else because they assume the relationship is secure.
Still, Jesus’ words apply here too.
When your spouse acts like an enemy, love them.
When your spouse speaks harshly, bless them.
When your spouse withdraws or wounds you, do good to them and pray for them.
Most people would fire a counselor who said that. But it is exactly what Jesus taught.
Now, this requires an important distinction: loving your spouse is not the same thing as allowing destructive behavior to continue unchecked.
Confronting Your Spouse
Healthy marriages require honest confrontation. You are not called to become passive, manipulated, or emotionally crushed when there's a pattern harming the relationship.
Confrontation is healthy when it protects the relationship, not when it vents frustration, pointing out every minor preference or irritant.
You can set boundaries.
You can say, “This behavior is not acceptable.”
You can insist on honesty, respect, counseling, or change.
And you can do all of that with kindness and firmness.
Confrontation is not unloving. Sometimes it is the most loving thing you can do.
On the other hand, you are not meant to confront every minor preference or irritant.
Loving Your Spouse
At the same time, you are called to love your spouse even while they are sinning against you.
That means:
- Refuse to repay evil with evil
- Refuse to become cold and contemptuous
- Refuse to weaponize affection or communication
- Continue to pray for their good
The beauty of this approach is not only what it does for the marriage, but what it does for you. When you stop responding to another person’s sin with your own sin, your soul becomes lighter. You are no longer a pinball being battered around by someone else’s moods and failures.
Love becomes medicine.
It changes your tone, your posture, your prayers, and even your ability to confront effectively. It also gives God room to demonstrate His power in ways bitterness never can.
So, keep loving her with kindness and gentleness.
Keep greeting him with warmth when he comes home.
Keep the date nights on the calendar.
Keep speaking with kindness instead of contempt.
Forgive. Repent for your own part. Let God handle vengeance.
Love your spouse like you’ve never been hurt — and watch what God does.
Parents and Children
Few things break the heart of God like fractured families.
I have seen children vow never to speak to their mother again because of a painful divorce. I have seen fathers cut off their children because they felt betrayed during family conflict. Years pass. Pride hardens. And both sides become prisoners of the wound.
These decisions often feel justified in the moment, but they can also rob us of seeing God’s restoring power.
Now, reconciliation does require two willing people. You cannot force another person to respond. But you can still obey God.
Ask yourself:
- What if God changed me, even if He hasn’t changed them yet?
- What if the Holy Spirit empowers me to love beyond what feels natural?
- What if Christ’s death and resurrection were sufficient not only to save me, but to transform how I respond to hurt?
The same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead lives in believers. We are not left to love in our own strength.
So, forgive your children. Forgive your parents. Reengage where possible. Make the call. Send the invitation. Offer peace.
At minimum, make the offer. Let God handle the outcome.
And yes, boundaries may still be necessary. Loving someone does not mean ignoring abuse, enabling addiction, or pretending trust has been restored overnight. You can love from a healthy distance when needed.
But don’t let bitterness become your identity.
Coworkers and Difficult People
We live in an age of avoidance. If someone is difficult, annoying, rude, or exhausting, we simply disengage. Block them. Ignore them. Minimize contact.
Especially the “jerk at work.”
You probably know someone like that already.
Our instinct is avoidance. Jesus’ instinct is engagement.
What if the difficult coworker is not merely an obstacle, but an assignment?
What if your kindness is the one thing they never experience from anyone else?
Imagine being the only person in the office who asks sincere questions about their life, their family, their struggles, or their wellbeing. Questions make people feel seen. Kindness disarms defensiveness. Consistent goodness creates curiosity.
No, this does not guarantee instant transformation. Some people remain difficult for a long time. But loving them like you’ve never been hurt changes you. It stretches your capacity for grace and keeps your heart soft instead of cynical.
Buy them coffee. Invite them to lunch. Speak pleasantly. Pray for them.
For many, this means responding differently than you normally would. But let this become your new norm.
The Freedom on the Other Side
Loving like you’ve never been hurt is not denial. It is not weakness. It is not enabling sin.
It is a Spirit-empowered decision to refuse bitterness and respond in the character of Christ.
And something remarkable happens when you do:
- Your heart becomes freer
- Conflict loses some of its power over you
- Your relationships gain room for healing
- God’s presence becomes more evident in everyday life
Not because people suddenly become perfect, but because you stopped letting their sin dictate your spirit.
The path is narrow. It feels unnatural at first. But that is often how the deeper parts of the forest begin.
So, choose to love like you’ve never been hurt.
“Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good.” — Romans 12:21
I hope this encourages you to “love like you’ve never been hurt” to experience the fullness of all God has for you. Now go and Dare to Be Different!
Click here to chat with Matt if you're seeking opportunities to strengthen marriages in your church.
Click here if you're a couple needing help and want to learn more about our Marriage Intensives.
Click here to check out our blogs and invite your friends to subscribe and join the journey!
Visitor Comments (0)
